The Movie: Series of Unfortunate Events

HarperCollins marketing department has issued the following:

13 Reasons to Avoid Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events

1. Your worst enemy might sit right next to you, and you won’t know it because it will be dark.
2. There is probably some delicious holiday fruitcake waiting for you at home.
3. The only thing worse than a sinister villain is a sinister villain whose face is projected on a screen several stories high.
4. The weather outside is frightful, and so is this movie.
5. If you see it once, you might be tempted to see it again.
6. You’d probably rather fight off crowds at the mall, as long as they are not carrying torches.
7. It is very difficult to hide underneath a seat in a movie theater unless you are very small.
8. If you know anything at all about Lemony Snicket, the Baudelaire orphans, or Count Olaf, you know that flash flooding may occur as a result of audience weeping.
9. The movie is always worse than the books.
10. Like singing Christmas carols in the trunk of an automobile, it won’t make you feel very cheery.
11. Concession stands in movie theaters do not sell blindfolds.
12. A cozy fire at home is much better than a home on fire.
13. Only a person who enjoys dark rooms, sticky floors, stale popcorn, and unhappy endings could possibly have a good time.

The list of reasons to attend the movie are as follows: