A Cautionary Tale

"Hmm...let's see who this wallet belonged to," said the bad guy.

"Uhhh, What is an entling?" his/her stinky, smelly, drooling cohort asked.

"Dunno," said The Brains of the Outfit. "Let's use this stolen credit card and other stuff in the wallet as much as possible and commit as much financial crime as we can get away with for the next few hours."

"Ha, ha, ha. I bet the owner of this wallet we stole is crying now. I am so glad that we have just made life a misery for the entling, what ever that is" he/she said, spitting as he/she talked through his/her un-brushed teeth.

"Yeah, I bet she is tearing her car apart looking for this wallet we just stole. How fun!!!!" He/she brushed the dandruff off his/her shoulders and picked his/her nose.

"Hey, I know, let's go get a DVD from the Redbox store and buy a bunch of stuff from a gas station," the stinky, smelly, drooling cohort said.

"Wow, that was a blast. Now let's go to a grocery store and buy some more stuff," the Brains of the Outfit said, cackling with excitement.

The stinky, smelly, drooling cohort scratched his/her head. "Brains, do you think we should really be doing this? Maybe we should abandon our life of crime and read a good book. That might be more fun than doing all this stuff that is against the law."

They looked at each other for a moment and then burst out laughing.

"Wow, this is so cool. Who cares that we have just ruined the weekend of an entire family. Mwahhhhahahahahah." He/she laughed so hard that tears came out of his/her eyes and ran down his/her cheeks causing streaks on his/her greasy, grimy face. The Brains never took baths. He/she had a bath tub and soap but he/she never used them. Brains just loved to smell rotten.

"Aren't you worried that they might report this finanacial tool as "stolen?" wondered the smelly, drooling cohort.

"Yeah, we better hurry up and get as much stuff as we can here at WalMart," said the Brain.

"I'm hungry, let's use this card to grab some fast food," said the Brain.

Later after eating several Wendy's hamburgers and two Frostys, he/she wiped his/her mouth with his/her shirt and burped. "Isn't this great? The best thing is no one will ever figure out who we are. "

The bad guys drove on for several minutes, speeding down the freeway, at 120 miles an hour. They laughed as terrified drivers swerved to avoid them. No doubt, several accidents occurred and many people were hurt.

A little time passed.

"Hey, has the road gotten very quiet all of a sudden? What is happening?" yawned the nasty criminal who was falling asleep behind the wheel of the car.

The stinky, smelly, drooling cohort looked out of the car window and gasped.

"Uh, Brains of the Outfit?"

"Yes, what is it?"

"Well, we don't seem to be on the ground any more. Some lady riding a gigantic flying green dragon has apparently picked us up from that freeway overpass and is hold our car over her head and we are up in the clouds."

At this point in the story, these despicable criminals used some language that is not repeatable on this blog.

"Hey, lady, what is the deal? Do you have some kind of amazing super powers? How are you holding up this car with just your bare arms? What is the deal with that dragon?" they screamed into the wind

"Well, you vile, dastardly, pieces of financial ruin and woe. I am ...
The Entling Mother
and I am a MOTHER BEAR when one of my kids is threatened. I have tracked you down here at the ends of the Earth," the lady said with a glare of retribution in her eyes.

"Put us down," they yelled, you have no right to abduct us like this. "We are getting airsick from all those hamburgers we illegally purchased with this stolen credit card."

"Ok, I will," she said, "my dragon has just informed me that we have reached cruising altitude of 30,000 feet. Please secure your seat belts as I see you are breaking another Texas law by not wearing them."

"Hey, what the (more inexcusable language) are you doing?" they whined.

"I'm putting you down," she said sweetly. "If you don't mind, I will just drop you off here."

And so, the car returned to the ground.



Be afraid, be very afraid.

Long Distance Booktalking

So, family is enroute towards the entling no. 2's recital. It is Springtime in Texas.

Winters are soft compared to other areas of the country. We do not have to shovel snow or blizzards, well sometimes in the panhandle. We do face the occasional hurricane and our rainstorms are frequently of Old Testament magnitude. Fall is ok, we even get some color in the trees most years. In the Summer, the Gulf of Mexico bathes the coastal plain in moisture which combines with stifling heat, causing most of us to dart quickly from air conditioned space to air conditioned space.

But, Springtime in Texas is the bonus that allows us to glory in the outdoors. Traveling over the back roads of the Lone Star State these past two weekends, we have gloried in thick patches and expanses of bluebonnets. The blooms shade from deepest blue at the bottom towards white at the tip. This week, the orange-red Indian paintbrush is beginning to take hold along with a tall yellow bloom that causes the medians and fields on either side of the highway to glow with gold light. I cannot drive through Texas in the Spring and not silently thank God for the life of Lady Bird Johnson. It is magnificent.

While we ooh-ed and aah-ed our way down the byway yesterday, I got a call from the entsister.
She was in Barnes and Noble with the entniece and entnephew buying books and she wanted to ask me about some titles before purchase.

Me: No, don't buy Airman, I have a signed copy for him.

The hilarious thing was, while we talked about the pile of books they were trying to whittle down, she began to get inquiries from other patrons in the bookstore.

Stranger: Ask your sister about this one....

Other stranger: Has she read...

My sister is on the other side of the country and I was booktalking to strangers into a cell phone as we wheeled down the back roads of Texas.

What a hoot!

The good news was, the entnephew and entniece ended up with three books each instead of two.

Go me!!!

Sounds of Silence

Reading advocates have touted group reads or "One Book" projects for the past few years. This past weekend we have all been caught up in the biggest "One Book" read ever.

One World, One Book: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

The only sound in the house for the past 24 hours has been some classical music playing very very softly. There have not even been the customary noises out on the street, no lawn mowers or blowers or even cars.

We picked up our books at midnight. Entling no. 3 had a plan and provisions pre-positioned for an all nighter. We got home, she kissed up goodnight and disappeared. Apparently she finished around 8 a.m. Saturday morning because she left us a note in the kitchen, letting us know she had eaten breakfast and now needed time to "rest and process."

After waiting so long, I found I had mixed feelings about opening the book, knowing that this was the end. I read for about an hour after we got home and then went to sleep.

I arose early to continue but was wondering about the remote members of our entwood. Happily, I received a call from Entling no. 1 around 10 a.m. letting me know she had just picked up her copy and had no other plans for the day but reading.

I knew Entling no. 2 had ordered hers so I checked in and was happy to hear Amazon had delivered hers by 8 a.m. because that was when she poked her head out the front door to check. She told me she had her preparations in place for the day ahead.
She since checked in confirming her completion of the book with her comment, "Wasn't it something?"

I was now easy in my mind and fell into the story. I finished about 6 p.m.
Treebeard is more than halfway through.
When he is done, we are planning an entmoot via IM.

Can't wait.

More discussions I am looking forward to:
Mugglenet podcast show 100/101
Scholar's Blog Spoiler Zone in August

Weird things heard over Christmas in Hobbiton

Helpful advice from Entling no. 1: "You should really organize your light bulbs, Mom."
Helpful advice from Entling no. 2: "If you would just start a list of everyone's gifts on the first of December, you would be more organized."
Helpful advice (imperative) from the Entlings: "Mom, do not talk about dust mites on Christmas Day!!!"
Helpful advice from Entling no. 2: "You need more bookcases."
Helpful advice (imperative) from Treebeard: "Do not tape a bow to your mother's head!"
Wishful thinking from Entwife: "These are South Beach Diet cookies."
Query from Entling no. 1: "Who has been eating the fudge?"
Query from Entling no. 2: "Who has been eating the fudge?"
Query from Entling no. 3: "Who has been eating the fudge?"
Query from Treebeard: "Who has been eating the fudge?"
Query from Entwife: "Who has been eating the fudge?"
Statement from Entling no. 1: "I'm taking part of the fudge," while packing her car to leave.
Cry for help from Entling no. 3: "Yo!" said at the communion rail after being by-passed twice by the chalice bearer.
Wishful thinking (myself): "Now I remember why we had a van with individual seats for the kids when they were younger," muttered sotto voce while listening to a raucous game of "Zzzzt" from the backseat which will just hold three entlings side by side.
Can't help myself: "Have you read this book?"