Thursday, October 22, 2009

A Cautionary Tale

"Hmm...let's see who this wallet belonged to," said the bad guy.

"Uhhh, What is an entling?" his/her stinky, smelly, drooling cohort asked.

"Dunno," said The Brains of the Outfit. "Let's use this stolen credit card and other stuff in the wallet as much as possible and commit as much financial crime as we can get away with for the next few hours."

"Ha, ha, ha. I bet the owner of this wallet we stole is crying now. I am so glad that we have just made life a misery for the entling, what ever that is" he/she said, spitting as he/she talked through his/her un-brushed teeth.

"Yeah, I bet she is tearing her car apart looking for this wallet we just stole. How fun!!!!" He/she brushed the dandruff off his/her shoulders and picked his/her nose.

"Hey, I know, let's go get a DVD from the Redbox store and buy a bunch of stuff from a gas station," the stinky, smelly, drooling cohort said.

"Wow, that was a blast. Now let's go to a grocery store and buy some more stuff," the Brains of the Outfit said, cackling with excitement.

The stinky, smelly, drooling cohort scratched his/her head. "Brains, do you think we should really be doing this? Maybe we should abandon our life of crime and read a good book. That might be more fun than doing all this stuff that is against the law."

They looked at each other for a moment and then burst out laughing.

"Wow, this is so cool. Who cares that we have just ruined the weekend of an entire family. Mwahhhhahahahahah." He/she laughed so hard that tears came out of his/her eyes and ran down his/her cheeks causing streaks on his/her greasy, grimy face. The Brains never took baths. He/she had a bath tub and soap but he/she never used them. Brains just loved to smell rotten.

"Aren't you worried that they might report this finanacial tool as "stolen?" wondered the smelly, drooling cohort.

"Yeah, we better hurry up and get as much stuff as we can here at WalMart," said the Brain.

"I'm hungry, let's use this card to grab some fast food," said the Brain.

Later after eating several Wendy's hamburgers and two Frostys, he/she wiped his/her mouth with his/her shirt and burped. "Isn't this great? The best thing is no one will ever figure out who we are. "

The bad guys drove on for several minutes, speeding down the freeway, at 120 miles an hour. They laughed as terrified drivers swerved to avoid them. No doubt, several accidents occurred and many people were hurt.

A little time passed.

"Hey, has the road gotten very quiet all of a sudden? What is happening?" yawned the nasty criminal who was falling asleep behind the wheel of the car.

The stinky, smelly, drooling cohort looked out of the car window and gasped.

"Uh, Brains of the Outfit?"

"Yes, what is it?"

"Well, we don't seem to be on the ground any more. Some lady riding a gigantic flying green dragon has apparently picked us up from that freeway overpass and is hold our car over her head and we are up in the clouds."

At this point in the story, these despicable criminals used some language that is not repeatable on this blog.

"Hey, lady, what is the deal? Do you have some kind of amazing super powers? How are you holding up this car with just your bare arms? What is the deal with that dragon?" they screamed into the wind

"Well, you vile, dastardly, pieces of financial ruin and woe. I am ...
The Entling Mother
and I am a MOTHER BEAR when one of my kids is threatened. I have tracked you down here at the ends of the Earth," the lady said with a glare of retribution in her eyes.

"Put us down," they yelled, you have no right to abduct us like this. "We are getting airsick from all those hamburgers we illegally purchased with this stolen credit card."

"Ok, I will," she said, "my dragon has just informed me that we have reached cruising altitude of 30,000 feet. Please secure your seat belts as I see you are breaking another Texas law by not wearing them."

"Hey, what the (more inexcusable language) are you doing?" they whined.

"I'm putting you down," she said sweetly. "If you don't mind, I will just drop you off here."

And so, the car returned to the ground.



Be afraid, be very afraid.

5 comments:

tanita davis said...

Uh-oh. Go Entling Mama.

Camille said...

At least they returned the DVD to the Redbox drop--3 days later.

anne said...

I am sorry that entlings had to experience this awfulness. Entling Mother, you rock!

Sockbug said...

I feel for Entling. Been through this and it's no picnic. Worst part was losing favorite purse and wallet which I am sure all went into the trash somewhere.

adrienne said...

I'm not the law-breaking type, but if I were, I would not mess with you.

Sorry to hear about this. I hope it's all at least getting cleared up quickly.