Thursday, March 02, 2006

Know-Nothing Alert!

They are everywhere.

1. All book challengers should be required to reimburse district libraries for the replacement cost of all the books they want pulled off the shelves. These folks have too much time on their hands. They should have to pay for their fun.

2. Book banners should have to compensate area homeowners for damage to property values when the negative publicity hits and remember that forever after, their school will appear on ALA's and NCTE's book banners list.

3. Know-Nothings should read the whole book (but they never do!) Picking pieces of a book out of context is pointless. If I were to read the Ten Commandments, the way they read literature, I would be quite sure that "Thou shalt ... steal" was part of the Decalogue.

4. Know-Nothings think some books have supernatural powers and their mere presence in the same space-time-continuum as their young one will cause brain damage or emotional distress. For as many years as I have been a librarian, I have yet to see a book sprout arms and grab a student as they passed it on the shelf. I have never seen a book emit a mind-altering cloud that turns a kid into a zombie who then pulls the book off the shelf. I have never seen a book spontaneously leap off the shelf into someone’s hand, then DRAG him or her over to the circulation counter, and then force them to checkout the book.

Hmmm...double checking...let me think...nope, never have seen it.

Generally, books sit very quietly on the shelves.

Book challengers should have to prove the existence of these supernatural powers before a reconsideration committee would act.

5. Know-Nothings have to accept that sometimes the answer is NO! After two committees have reviewed a book and affirmed its inclusion in a collection it is time to call it a day but Know-Nothings WILL have it their way or...or...else!

These self-centered whiners are the same ones who talk on their cell phones in the theater and run red lights because the rules do not apply to them.

6. Book banners would have schools give up teaching any kind of critical thinking. To follow their logic, globes should be removed from schools because the sight of a globe might cause a member of the Flat Earth Society serious mental harm.

7. Know-Nothings should know that we are on to them and we understand it is REALLY NOT about the book. It REALLY IS about: their anger with someone at the school, their guilt about not being there for their child, their sad bid for attention and/or their desperate and pathetic desire to be someone of consequence and power.

8. Know-Nothings should forward the shoe and clothing sizes for their kids to me because if they are going to dictate MY family's reading choices then I get to pick THEIR family's' fashion choices.


PJ Librarian said...

Amen to it all. You have expressed many librarians and the everyday citizens sentiments so well and with humor that hits it right on. I do not always like what a library includes, but it is up to me to make my chose and let others make theirs. That is what Freedom is about. And, you are so right; I haven't ever seen a book force itself on anyone either. Really well put.

PJ Librarian said...

Sorry about the misspellings. I just got so caught up.

Bkbuds said...

Not to mention these people are anti-intellectual twits who want to bring everyone down to their semi-literate level. Ugh.

You're a goddess. Keep fighting the good fight.

--Anne at Book Buds

Camille said...

I read about these things and it always makes my stomach twist and turn. Now they are in MY backyard. They believe the rules do not apply to them. They must be confronted. I am pushing back.

Liz B said...

Sorry that you have to deal with this! I can understand someone not wanting their kid to read a book -- that's their right as a parent. But when it flows over to telling other parents what their kids should or shouldn't read, its just wrong. Why do they think they have that right? And I love the fashion choice comparison.

Alan said...

I wonder what they do, or do not, allow their own kids to consume via TV, video games, and the local multiplex. I doubt the Know-Nothings have the energy and ingenuity to monitor their children 24x7, since they are pre-occupied monitoring mine.